Well, intuitively yes but here’s the caveat – it is only helpful when we are ready. Doing it prematurely, and this may sound surprising, can be highly counterproductive and even harmful.
When we remember traumatic events, we’re immediately bringing to mind the thoughts, feelings and sensations associated with that trauma. The amygdala (the ancient part of the brain that helped survival in caves long ago) then senses grave danger, right here and now.
This triggers our fight or flight response, diverting blood to essential muscles and organs. Consequently, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for logical thinking, receives less blood, impairing our ability to think clearly or rationally. This hyperaroused state makes us overly vigilant and very emotionally reactive.
When we are in an opposite state called hypoarousal – the freeze or fawn response – we feel depressed, lethargic and numb. We become unresponsive, passive and detached, disassociated from our surroundings and ourselves. “Just leave me alone with my existing and current (unhelpful) thoughts” is the modus operandi here.
In both these states, we cannot process past difficult thoughts, memories or sensations and are completely unable to understand why we feel this way, let alone be in a position to move on. Talking about trauma during these times can be actively damaging as we feel flooded and overwhelmed, just when we are least able to process.
To process trauma constructively, it’s really important to understand, and be in, our “window of tolerance”. Er, this sounds like esoteric psychobabble – what exactly is this window?
It’s our personal capacity to tolerate distress, handle intense emotions and navigate challenging memories or sensations. When we are in it, we are calm, rational, and able to process – even if it feels really uncomfortable or painful.
Each person’s window of tolerance is unique. Some individuals can maintain flexibility and rationality even under stress, and be in this state much of the time. This is often due to past experiences of overcoming adversity with a solid foundation of resilience.
How do we build a large and strong window? Learning to be in the moment and practising self-soothing techniques such as breathing exercises or meditation helps. Cognitive defusion (observing thoughts and letting them go, rather than holding onto them) also aids. Taking care of ourselves, such as prioritising good sleep, exercise, nutrition, hobbies and a supportive social network are paramount. It’s the simple things that can be so helpful.
These techniques enable us to be in the window of tolerance where we feel safe, secure and calm. This enables us to revisit and process traumatic memories without being overwhelmed. We are then ready to move forward with our lives rather than feeling stuck or held back.
To gauge the strength of our window of tolerance, we can observe our feelings when calm, identify what helps us stay grounded during tough times, and recognize what builds our resilience. Understanding the physical and emotional signs of hyperarousal and hypoarousal, and noticing how others perceive us in these states, fosters self-awareness – the first step toward personal change.
By spending more time within our window of tolerance, we strengthen our parasympathetic response, leading to a more adaptive, flexible, and rational approach to processing trauma. We become less prone to triggers and feeling overwhelmed, making it safer to confront our past.
A case of preparation, preparation, preparation…before opening the trauma box.